Fears of Growing up...

Lately I've discovered so much about myself and my life that scares me. Not necessarily bad things, just things I never thought i'd ever have to deal with. When a girl grows up and imagines her life, she pictures all the good, not the bad. I had a perfect picture of what my life would be like. Granted me and Jared's start was rocky, but it went about how I had it planned in my head. We were together for 4 years then got married. I think you really need to get to know someone before you can promise them the rest of your life. And I do know Jared, I know his every deep dark corner and past and I will guard those for the rest of my life, together or not. It's the leading up to marriage. I never thought I'd have to go 5 months without seeing him, then getting proposed to and married all within a month just for him to be gone again. Then to go through all this stressful crap again on top of starting a new marriage. Army crap, moving crap, money crap.... crap on top of crap. Anybody have a shovel?

Let's just say this is not a good place for me right now! I am pushing my way through this load of CRAP as best I know how to, but man is it difficult. Especially when your so far away from all your support. I literally have the best sister, dad, and mother in law possible and I know they are only a call away but man I just wish I could be home in the sun driving my car, going to see my best friend and just hang out. I'm sick of this apartment, this place, these people. I wonder more and more each day if staying up here while Jared is deployed is even worth it. I know that's what I wanted but not at the risk of my health. It doesn't help that yes, I love my husband but he's to busy to be a good support system right now, which isn't mainly his fault but still. With him gone I'll have absolutely nobody. Idk, it's something I really need to think about but until then I am hoping to get good news about going to get my stuff and car soon, just so I can go home and see my daddy. And I'm counting the days till June 28th Because I get to go home again to see my sister, dad, and mother in law all in one weeked, along with a new kids on the block/boyz 2 men concert haha oh yahhhh!