To High of Expectations?

I'm in the process of doubting my thoughts lately because I think I am expecting to much. IDK. I don't want to toot my horn to much but I think I am a freaking catch. Sure I'm not a size 2 with blonde hair and blue eyes, but I think I'm pretty, I'm supportive, thoughtful, giving, and take care of the people I love. I just ask for the same in return. 

When I lived at home with my dad, he let me do what I wanted but ANY TIME I needed him there, he didn't even hesitate. He did things for me that I never even asked, he just knew. He made me soup when I was sick, went to get me ANYTHING I needed from the store, even tampons, and waited on me hand and foot if I needed it, which wasn't often. I love Jared but with all this crap going on I feel like I want him to do more. Then once one problem I'm annoyed at or not happy with is resolved, there is something else I want done differently. Idk if I'm pissed at him for everything going on or pissed he is leaving me in under 3 months and doesn't want to be attached to me at the hip like everyone elses husbands or what. But it's almost nerve wracking that everyone else is spending time together and Jared either A. wants to go out...fine or B. Hang out with friends... fine. I am always understanding but why the heck can't we just hang out at home by ourselves. Not go out and blow money, not hang out with friends, just sit at home on the couch, cuddle, and watch a movie?? Your going to spend 9 months with these guys, you can hang out then lol. 

And why when I'm sick or don't feel good, heaven forbid I ask you to do something, you'll do it but not before you throw and hour long fit. Like once you already do it, I don't even care anymore. See my dilemma? Is it to much to ask for to have a little pampering and taking care of from some other than myself. It seems like that's all I have up here, is myself. I literally can't wait to go home. And anyone that knows me knows that when one thing pisses me off its like a whirl wind of everything else. I start to nit pick everything that pisses me off or annoys me of a person. I hate being tickled, he tickles me almost everyday. I know he thinks hes being funny but I freaking hate it. Like no joke, it makes me what to hit him in the face. Two dishes after I slaved over dinner for 2 hours, puts them in the sink... really? Tells me hes going to be home in an hour so I make sure dinner is ready in about an hour... gets "distracted" with a friend working on his truck and forgets to tell me... Seriously? 

As you can see... very little little little minor things, but constantly annoying me everyday. I'm at my ends, something needs to change, or this 9 months apart will be a good vacation because he will get a taste of life without me doing every little thing for him. I'm sure I'll calm down eventually, just lately... it's to much!

Fears of Growing up...

Lately I've discovered so much about myself and my life that scares me. Not necessarily bad things, just things I never thought i'd ever have to deal with. When a girl grows up and imagines her life, she pictures all the good, not the bad. I had a perfect picture of what my life would be like. Granted me and Jared's start was rocky, but it went about how I had it planned in my head. We were together for 4 years then got married. I think you really need to get to know someone before you can promise them the rest of your life. And I do know Jared, I know his every deep dark corner and past and I will guard those for the rest of my life, together or not. It's the leading up to marriage. I never thought I'd have to go 5 months without seeing him, then getting proposed to and married all within a month just for him to be gone again. Then to go through all this stressful crap again on top of starting a new marriage. Army crap, moving crap, money crap.... crap on top of crap. Anybody have a shovel?

Let's just say this is not a good place for me right now! I am pushing my way through this load of CRAP as best I know how to, but man is it difficult. Especially when your so far away from all your support. I literally have the best sister, dad, and mother in law possible and I know they are only a call away but man I just wish I could be home in the sun driving my car, going to see my best friend and just hang out. I'm sick of this apartment, this place, these people. I wonder more and more each day if staying up here while Jared is deployed is even worth it. I know that's what I wanted but not at the risk of my health. It doesn't help that yes, I love my husband but he's to busy to be a good support system right now, which isn't mainly his fault but still. With him gone I'll have absolutely nobody. Idk, it's something I really need to think about but until then I am hoping to get good news about going to get my stuff and car soon, just so I can go home and see my daddy. And I'm counting the days till June 28th Because I get to go home again to see my sister, dad, and mother in law all in one weeked, along with a new kids on the block/boyz 2 men concert haha oh yahhhh! 

Life so far in Alaska

Man I'm really bad at this haha. It's the beginning of March and I haven't written since October but in my defense, stuff has been crazy. This stuff is not easy and my little taste of the army has not been a good one, but I am trying to stay positive. I am currently living in Alaska but I'm STILL NOT sponsored. I came up here mid November and we found a place to live, then I came in the beginning of December to sign the lease and again for Christmas and New years. All on my own dime by the way -_- I officially came up here January 18th. Been here ever since and I finally have my doctors appt. with the army on Friday and that is the last thing for my sponsorship to go through, then hopefully I can go get all my things from Texas. Me and Jared have been sleeping on an air mattress this whole time lol Thankfully I waited till I got here to buy all our furniture so we have couches and a kitchen table and everything. I also was smart and shipped a large box of kitchen stuff up before I came, so we pretty much have the necessities to survive right now but it's just annoying not having my bed and the apartment is so plain, I just want my decorations that I planned out so flawlessly lol, I want to make this place feel more like a home!

Other then the annoying army crap, some things have been nice and easy and others, hard and annoying. It's nice finally being on my own, the bills suck but that's life and growing up and I'm proud to be on my own and doing these things without help from my parents. Some annoying things are the dog tag chasers up here in Alaska, omg, the uniform attracts some of the weirdest girls but we are dealing and Jared got orders for Afghanistan for June 13th. It's terrifying to me but I've accepted, it's going to happen now or later so just deal. We are trying to spend as much time as possible together cuz I know this is going to be hard on the both of us, but we are strong.

My days really consist of me cleaning, organizing, cross stitching lol, and preparing dinner. Since the command sponsorship hasn't gone through I don't have my car as well. That takes a month to get here and it's not even in the process, so I'm really hoping we can get that moving soon. Having no car here really sucks. Jared bought a truck up here but of course he takes it to work. He offers to let me take him to work so I can have it, but really what do I have to do? nothing lol. I'm starting my school back up so by the time he's back from deployment I will be finished and I can get a real job and we can finish planning our wedding and start making plans for baby number 1. We finally set a date for the wedding. September 20, 2014. If you guys notice my blog about the proposal, it's 2 years after he proposed, so I thought it fit well. I don't want to keep the same anniversary as when we went to the JOP because its literally 5 days before my birthday and I would like some space between those days. I really like the idea of a September/fall wedding and can't wait to plan it!

That's pretty much been it so far. Now that I have so much free time I'm going to try to update this more. Keep us in your prayers that our stuff gets here soon, before both of us have horrible back problems from this air mattress lol!